Vance Hess

I dedicate this page to my brother because I always want there to be a place in this world that all of us can go and reflect on the happy moments we shared with Vance.  This page is part of my healing process and I hope that it will bring to you a happieness or some peace in knowing that Vance blessed many with his presence.  I will miss my brother forever and until we meet again I will always remember him as my big brother and for you, well you remember him as what he was to you.

This page is an open forum to blog about Vance, or read what I and others experienced or what Vance meant to us, or just come and reflect on what a great man he was.  God took him too soon, for me that is, I am sure he took him right on time with His plan.  I believe that my brother is with my other loved ones that left before him and I have to know in my heart that he is with my mom and grandma whom he and I are very connected with.  Some day when it is my turn I only hope that we all will be reunited, and that they are waiting for me and won't let me get lost.

Anyone that knew Vance knew that he was a bit "high strung" and everything had to be done perfect.  He demanded perfection from those he had influence over, he would always say if its worth doin do it right.  He was a grand presence and when he was in the room you knew it.  I didn't realize until the memorial service that the impact he had on peoples lives was so immense and so wonderful.  I only took the time to selfishly know what he meant to me in my life.

Vance was my protector, he was 5 1/2 years older than me so he was truly my big brother, he had to screen all my boyfriends, friends, and anyone who came around me.  He was very protective, even til the day he died.  Jay (my husband) and I just had him and Nadine over a couple of weeks before his passing and he was so very happy and I can't tell you how that made me feel inside.  I hadn't seen him that personnally happy in a very long time.  I was so at peace knowing that he was that happy.  He had been out to our moms burial site at Sutter Cemetary a couple of times recently just visiting and he had told me that he wanted to be buried by mom just like me, because I have the plot below hers.  Vance's cremations will be buried in the same plot with mom, that gives me the greatest peace of all.

I want you to know the night my brother died was my anniversary (1 year), I remember getting the phone call from Tyler, my clarity of the whole thing after Tyler told me he was gone is pretty foggy, however I do remember going in to say goodbye and knowing in my heart that he hadn't left yet I knew he was still there waiting for us to come and say goodbye.  I layed my head on his chest and felt that he was still warm and put my head up and shook him a little begging him to come back that I wasn't done and knowing in my heart that he wasn't ever coming back, so I gave in and said goodbye. 

My brother played such a large role in my life that the things I do in memory of him are helping me get through the grieving process.  I only have my dad left now alll the rest have left me.  I will go on, yes, but not without heartache and sadness that I can't see him or call him on the phone, if only heaven had cell phones!

I told the story of the day I brought Wayne home from the hospital and Vance's reaction to this beautiful gift from God.  My big, burly, rough, and tough brother didn't want to hold him, he said he might break him, I said Vance you can't break a baby! He was just sitting on the couch looking at me hold Wayne and I just went over to him and gave him Wayne, I left him no choice but to hold him, it was so funny, he looked so awkward holding him his one elbow was up in the air and it was just not a natural hold.  He wiggled around (I have the picture here on the web page) until he could get a real good close up look at him and Vance looked up at me with a tear rolling down his cheek and said, Dana he is so beautiful, I love him, how can I love someone who is only 2 days old into my life.  I said Vance he is your nephew, he will need you all his life just like I do, he is going to count on you to be there for him, and I can't think of a better person for that job.  Vance smiled and said well I think hes gonna be one cool dude and don't worry Dana, I will protect him too.

I plan on coming here to write and remember my brother and encourage anyone and everyone to do the same.  I will undoubtably be here to write often. Those of you who know me know that I am a writer, I have so many thoughts all the time that my outlet is writing and talking.  I am hoping to be able to heal a little more every time I come here and hope the same for you.  Thank you for coming and enjoy the stories, please write your own so I can learn other things about my brother that I didn't know and enjoy those memories with you.

The Yuba College Girls Basketball Coach announced that starting next year there will be a Memorial Tournament in honor of Vance annually.  So be sure you keep an eye out for that.  The coaches name is Steve.

I sent my dad back off to Arizona where he lives with a hole in his heart having to let go and face losing his son.  My dad and Vance were so close and I can't begin to imagine how he is feeling or how he will face the days to come.  I wish I could send him the strength he needs to move forward but I know my dad and he will be ok and the hurt will remain but it will be less painful, at least that's what they tell me.  I know one thing Vance's passing brought my dad and I to a place we haven't been in many years, that's talking.  To you dad, I love you!  I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  Grandma tried to explain to me the feeling of losing a child and I just can't comprehend, but know in your heart dad that Vance loved you, he respected you, and by damn you were his dad and that was that.  Well dad I will never be able to fill that hole in your heart but we can at least hold on to our father-daughter realationship and comfort each other because well dad its you and me.  I love you Dad and I know we will mourn in our own way but we can do it together.

To all Vance's friends and extended family please participate in this web page, feel free to contact me, I have put my contact information here, and come back often to remember Vance and I will add thoughts as often as I need to which you will have fun with because I'm going to start putting funny stories and fun filled memories, the sadness has to subside. 

Have a good time here, thank you for appreciating my brother, and know in your heart Vance was a good man, but more that that he was a good friend.